I am Teh Uber-Pimp.

{ July 15, 2008 @ 3:19 pm } · { Crime & Punishment, Epiphanies, Food }
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I was out till 5AM last night. I walked to Val’s house (my wife and co-conspirator) and we hung out for like two hours. It was awesome.

So I’m running on 8 hours of sleep. That is not enough for someone like me. Thankfully I have a Peet’s Freddo (if you’re not familiar, it is the orgasmic god-nectar version of the Starbucks frappuccino).

But the sunrise was beautiful, so it was totally worth it. Plus it was great seeing my wife. I found an awesome route to her house that goes through the Hearthwood neighborhood, past the Cascade Park library, and is a good 20 minutes shorter than the way that goes straight down 136th and Mill Plain. I’m going to take that route home after school if I walk.

Also, now I have buns of steel and thighs of iron. And I remembered why I used to like mornings. When you don’t have shit to do, they’re really pretty. With the birds chirping, and the cool, dewy smell of the air, you feel really energized. I might just start waking up at 6AM to take walks. Then I’ll go back to bed. XD

Yay! My daddy just said that he’s making Cuban black bean soup. That shit is delicious. It’s got green olives in it, and it’s possibly my favorite food.

Well, that’s all. In conclusion: today rocks. w00t.

Anything I say can and will be used against me…

{ July 15, 2008 @ 12:13 am } · { Angst & Anger, Paranoia }
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But I haven’t the right to remain silent.

Apparently, whenever I hang out with Kris, some story gets misinterpreted or elaborated upon and he tells it to Steffany (mutual friend and his neighbor). Then I get really strange befuddled text messages from her, like “did you have sex with Jacob????” No, I did not, I am a virgin. I haven’t seen him for more than a week, anyway. Not like I would bang him, even if I could. That would just be awkward.

Last time we hung out, he told her I tried to kiss him, which is a gross exaggeration. Yes, there was an almost-kiss moment, but neither of us attempted anything.

Really I’m just getting tired of explaining to her what actually happened. I’m not a suspect, after all. I shouldn’t have to be interrogated about stuff.

And Jacob still hasn’t called or text-messaged me. I’m getting really pissed.

Okay, so it’s 2AM.

{ July 14, 2008 @ 9:42 am } · { Angst & Anger, Sexual Frustration }
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And I was supposed to sneak out tonight with Jacob (one of my best friends, occasional booty call), and now he won’t call me back. I’m pretty pissed about that. I’ve been calling and texting him since, like, 10:30PM. So instead I’m watching pirated episodes of Metalocalypse because I always seem to miss it when it’s on.

My dad flipped out a few hours ago because I had Kris over (overall best guy friend), and we were cuddling and watching TV. Dad told me that cuddling leads to “other things,” and that if it went any farther he would go all Anton Chigurh from No Country for Old Men on Kris’s ass. He also said, and I quote, “If you get pregnant, there will be not shotgun wedding. Although there will be a shotgun.” And I had to try really hard to continue looking humbled and not start laughing hysterically. I mean, c’mon, that’s funny shit.

I know now how it feels to be teething. I got a baby tooth that hadn’t fallen out pulled a few days ago, and now the other tooth is coming up through the gum. And it hurts like hell. All the time. Constantly. It’s like my gum is screaming. I might just take one of the Vikadin the hospital prescribed me after I passed out and hit my head (right after the aforementioned procedure). But my mom counts those motherbitches, so I’d have to explain that to her and then she’d just tell me I could’ve taken an Advil, but c’mon, those things are just going to waste in the medicine cabinet. I wanna get stoned as fuck again. That was fun. It took me twenty very focused minutes to eat a bowl of soup. I had to stop every once in a while to collapse laughing over the table, even though I couldn’t figure out what was so funny.

Oh, and I pretty much got dumped on Friday. That sucked. Pete is such a fucking tease. He led me on all day on the previous Sunday, and then decided that it was too “awkward” and that he just wanted to be “friends.” I hate people who make things awkward that don’t have to be. I really liked him, too, and that’s hard to find. It’s just… fucky. (Yes, fucky. It’s like shitty except worse.)

So that’s my rant for tonight. I’ll see you guys again soon.